Hello after a long time of absence.
I didn’t exactly plan on staying away from the blog for this long - but here we are. Life happens. And so here I sit at the Grey Dog across the street from my apartment drinking red wine and eating fries. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it?
It has been a rough start to the year, I am not going to lie to you. I took the train back from my parents’ home upstate on the evening of the first, already struggling with a migraine that has followed me to today, the 3rd (why am I drinking wine?). And so I am down on myself because I haven’t exactly felt up to meeting my start-of-the-year work OR personal goals.. but as my brother-in-law said to me this afternoon, it is only the third. I need to calm down a little bit - this is why I have a headache in the first place.
I just want you all to know that the free time I have gained as a freelancer, I have paid for in existential crises - which is okay because I simply can’t not follow my truth, which has led me here. Freelancing/being an artist is one of the HARDEST and most testing things on this planet — we are responsible for our own schedules, our own self-worth, our own growth, our own connections and even our own health in a way that steadily employed persons simply are not. And of course I chose this life just as much as it chose me, but the pressure is enormous and the work we MUST do to overcome fear and blocks is enormous and it is a blessing that I have a good therapist (and amazing friends who talk me off of a ledge frequently).
But let’s talk a little more about how I cannot not follow my path - because that is a large part of what makes me who I am. I have never felt comfortable doing anything not 100% authentic to me. I have never felt comfortable doing that thing that some people do where they suck up to people to get them to like them. I have never been able to charm my way through a job interview. I have never been able to embrace the “fake it ‘til you make it” thing. I just am who I am and I feel what I feel. Though much more subconsciously I certainly bend to make people like me or love me a little more - and that is something I am working on. But I am drawn to people with transparent authenticity - you just know when you can trust someone fully and when they are living their truth; it’s a beautiful thing.
This path of authenticity comes naturally to me, and it is how I have felt my way through life. My intuition has always told me when things felt true or not, and the things that didn’t feel true I could never stick with for very long, even if they excited me at first. This has happened with jobs, with friends, with relationships. And it will continue happening for the rest of my life. But no matter how many times I have to leap off the edge of some scary cliff because of it, I feel fulfilled because of it.
And so - I have decided to start coaching people to do the same thing. To bravely go in the direction of their dreams, instead of staying or striving for where they feel they “should” be. I could have listened to my mother’s recommendation to work as a lawyer. But I didn't. Some people are authentically meant to be lawyers, and I wasn't. Often we feel like we can’t accomplish what it is we REALLY want - or we don’t dare to even imagine it - but I want to invite people into my space to dream as big as they can. And to understand the difficult transitions they are going through. And to bloom. No matter where in your life you are feeling stuck (your relationship or absence of it, your job, your break-up, the dreams you don’t think you could possibly achieve - or the ones that just aren’t materializing), I authentically want to (and believe I can) help you.
If you’re interested in working with me, I will have my initial curriculum ready by January 15th! Get in touch.